Last week we finally got a chance to see just how Michael Bay decided to ruin the sanctity of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle empire and it’s as bad as one could imagine. Just look at this.
Not only did they decide to remove their weapons (THINK OF THE CHILDREN) but Mr. Bay decided to have Leonardo have a Jamaican accent! Not content with those poor decisions, he also decided to add musical numbers and figured that he could ape Shane Black by having it set at Christmas! Where is the humor?! Where is the scene where they eat funny toppings on pizzas?! No Neutrinos? Get the fuck outta here Mr. Bay. We won’t stand idly by while you take your grubby hands and molest this precious property into oblivion. I for one will not spend my hard-earned money on this dreck. Who’s with me?! *
*Obviously that’s not the trailer for Bay’s TMNT. This is. And I honestly don’t have any problems with it. Why? Because this movie isn’t for me. I enjoyed the turtles as a kid but it was always a silly property. Even the original comics and the amazing live action original film didn’t make the idea any less silly. I’ll always love Jim Henson’s animatronic work, the kickass arcade games, and the amazing Hostess TURTLE PIES, but I’m not losing sleep over this reboot. I just hope to be entertained by William Fichtner and entranced by Megan Fox’s toe thumbs. It can’t be any worse than TMNT 3 or any of these direct-to-video movies.